News for Kids!

Bust me out of my frame, please!

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Friday, December 7, 2007 Diamond Anniversary | Title

Holy crap
Happy 10th Anniversary, [Im'12] . One Decade of Pre-teen glory. I forget, whats 10 years? Diamond? -nyet

Saturday, August 16, 2003 | Edison gets hitched!

Nye, Suzzane, and Renard go to Ed's wedding and drink 90% of the alcohol served

Congrats Edisons. More pictures are here.
More copy to come later. -curtis

Friday, August 1, 2003 | This is not a headline

Historical documents
I've added years to the entries below, to better provide historians with valuable data in their history of online gaming research. You can all thank me later. -mofom

May 7, 2003 | Ya, sue us, we haven't had an update in so long time.

New members
Please welcome h0rk, buzz, and lutz and stuff. I've probably left out a ton, so if you are actually reading this send me email.
Check out our gallery for recent images, including our lucrative (for some) vegas trips at chateau l'3hud.

April 11, 2000 | First News in 2000...

Q3F, let it begin...
Official announcement, please cease teeter tottering and swinging for a moment. im`12 proudly anounces the q3f division.. sm (me) will be coordinating it, b0x will be providing a webpage and hopefully maintain and update said page, since we all know nYe and I are lazy.
Additional great news, Killermonk, Sunbot and Wolverine have turned 11! Please share the sandbox with them, and teach them what sharing is while you are at it. -Sm

Friday, September 10, 1999 | Take off, eh?

Still alive and kicking, just no news updates
No updates, not because we dont play TF anymore (we do =P), but because the maintainers play EQ instead of writing html. But while I'm here, I might as well show you the last place you want to see a BSOD, especially if you have a fear of flying.

-mofom

Monday, March 1, 1999 | Christmas Comes Early

New Servers...
-mofs
Monday, February 15, 1999 | On my Amazon.com shopping list, [M]ofocon upate, Roster changes

New O'Reilly Book
-mofs

Brief [M]ofocon Update, Roster Changes
Attendees: Pimp3d Draven Fruts Yoink Mofs+Jessica Layzie Tarrant Roos Hellsent Magu Smoke Galois T . We played some tf, hl/dm, tribes, etc. We played pool. We went to the Cheesecake Factory, a fairly swank establishment. Yoink and I planned to drink a shot for every frag we got while dm'ing but that quickly fell apart. The others watched Smoke play in the Gi match, completely boring since I assigned him to the basement. Ha. T2, Draven, and I went to my work to play so as not to overload the DSL. We geeked. We did non-geeky things. It was fun. We will do this again. Yes, we are morons because we did not take pictures. This will be corrected at our next event.

Roster moves: Draven, SM, and Demogirl were promoted to full members. After extensive negotiations, long time free agent id4 ended his holdout and signed with us for undisclosed terms. Free agent Mfaces also decided to sign up at the same time, giving us much more flexibility in matches. Great to have you two here :) They have since been promoted to full members. And Listerine has returned months early because she loves us - great to have you back :) Just a reminder - membership is invite only - we are extremely happy with our current staff.

Thursday, Febuary 4, 1999 | MofoCon

MofoCon Feb 5-7
cleek -mofom

Friday, January 15, 1999 | Lost!

Please help TN find their lost loved one.
-Mofs

Saturday, January 09, 1999 | Philocon!

Philocon Report
January 1st, 1999 (9:23 P.M.)- after countless hours of sitting in front of a computer, typing away on an operating system that i was vaguely familiar with, the official TF Server for Philocon '99 had officially been set up. patiently awaiting the return of philo[12] and his younger sibling, bruce[12] from the pukefest up north, i was sitting on irc, counting down the sleepless hours until the start of Philocon '99. (11:23 P.M.)- after many hours awaiting the arrival of our humble hosts, i packed my righteous rice rocket (a 1997, acura integra gsr SEDAN, and yes, it is a SEDAN- FOUR DOORS- count em- FOUR DOORS) with the following computer equipment- 3 monitors, 2 boxes, keyboards, mice, and a bundle of cat5 cables, and headed off to the Philocon '99 Headquarters. carefully placing seatbelts over the monitors, packing the ice chest generously donated by yours truley to keep the "UNLIMITED SODAS" at a brisk, cool temperature, and finally, yours truley in the drivers seat, the nimble rice rocket was packed and ready to go. cruising the streets at a velocity of approximately 45mph, i had arrived at my destination in an estimated 7 minutes. *ding-dong* (bruce)- "hey, whats up bUn!!!" brucey and his brother, philo come outside to the car, helpfully unloading the thousands of dollars worth of computer equipment from my prized possesion. setting up the computers, stratigically placed on a desk adjacent to brucey's, at approximately 11:50 P.M., the Philocon server was successfully up and running (however, the multiple ports were not functional until the following evening, after many attempts by myself and Onslaught[HT], joining and parting channels on irc, asking everyone in sight how to set up multiple ports). being present on the nite before Philocon, Brucey and I decided to relieve ourselves with a little LPB 1on1 (can you say 12 peeeng?), gibbing and fragging until approximately 2:00 A.M., when bruce & philo's mom walks in and said "go home allen. go to slee p you two".

January 2nd, 1999 (12:00 P.M.)- arriving casually late to Philocon '99, after some fine Chinese cuisine down the street at Hong Kong Palace, i step into the realm of philo & bruce. immediately i notice the bundle of cables running around the house, multiple tables set up, and most importantly, the number of people present. TNs|Asmo, TNp|Pinion, BuckShot, Boner, Hellsent[M], GI-FootLoose, SmokeDogg[12], MastaMonk[13], BruceLeeroy[12], Philodox[12], SuprMario[11](back then known as SuprMario`M), Mundania[GT] and myself, bUn[11], were among those present at the time. Being that I had to leave for the airport at around 3:00PM, this did not leave me with alotta time to help finish setting up. this is where we ran into problemo numero uno- the 8 port hub, generously supplied by FruitFest[12] for this glorious event, was, unfortunately, a 100mb/s hub. this meant all of us with cheapie 10mb/s were not fortunate enough to use this hub. as a result, the 24 port hub donated by FruitFest[12] was relocated into the center of the event- philo's living room. this meant that cables ended up being too short, not enough cables were available, etc. four of us (namely MastaMonk[13], Hellsent[M], SuprMario[11](then known as SuprMario`M), and myself, were not present/active on the network). through our expert diagnosing techniques (namely trial and error, plugging in cables to diff ports/hubs/etc), were able to come to the conclusion that the 24 port hub oh so generously donated by our fearless leader, FruitFest[12], was at fault. Many ports on this hub were not in service, resulting in the need for more hubs and crossover cables. Fortunately, by this time, the Concentric guys from up north (FoulEffer[12], Onslaught[HT], Kosanob[FC], Sarek[GT], and Case[M]) had arrived. Immediately, FE saves the day and whips up a bunch of cross cables (cabling courtesy of TNs|Asmo, connectors provided by the Concentric), allowing us to uplink from hub to hub (we had many extra hubs available (a 5 port from Asmo, another 5 port from SuprMario, an 8 port from the Concentric guys, and an 8 port from yours truley). Unfortunately, due to a faulty port in the 24 port hub (again, oh so generously donated by our fearless leader, FruitFest[12]), was again, at fault for the severe network collisions / packet loss suffered by the Concentric guys. However this was resolved with the simple switching of the cable to a different hub. Between all this chaos and udder confusion, another body had arrived to this wonderful event- who was it? None other than DaBee[GT], dropping by just to see how everybody was doing. By this time, it had reached 3:00PM, and it was time for me to leave for the airport. I go off, temporarily leaving Philocon '99, not knowing when I should return.

January 2nd, 1999 (9:00PM)- As I return to Philocon '99, I see that some of the attendees are happily fragging away at a few games of 3v3 sq1. Others (namely Philo[12], Bruce[12], and philo's significant other (one of the only 2 W's at this BYOW event) I then notice that a few people have departed from this wonderful event. TNs|Asmo and TNp|Pinion had left sometime before I had returned (at this time I credit Asmo with the only other Philocon '99 attendee to bring a "W" to this glorious BYOW event).After his wonderful dinner courtesy Taco Bell, Philo decides to have a 1on1 sniper tournament, held on 2fort5r, deck only, first to 15. This is when Onslaught and I start fumbling around on IRC, trying to configure the Philocon server to multiple ports. More details on the sniper tournament will come later- all you need to know is that the final round, between Onslaught[HT] and Boner (who is *gasp* a DMer), resulted in a 15-14 victory by Boner. What did he win? Nothing, as of yet, but he was supposed to be rewarded a Teletubby (Lawky!!! where are you!?!?!?) By then, Philo escorts his woman out to his car,giving her a ride back to her humble home. By then, the parental units of yet another one of our attendees, namely SmokeDogg[12], had arrived to take him and MastaMonk[13] back home. After many goodbyes, handshakes, and hugs, those two were off, back into the realm of HPB Hell, never to be seen at Philocon again =P Now after dinner, SuprMario and I decide to hop onto IRC to see who else was coming, and when FruitFest, t2, and Yoink would be showing up. Evang`M decides that he would like to attend, but says he has no ride. Also, at this time, Wolverine, sibling of the famed Kaizen sniper Mundania[GT], informs him over IRC that he is wanted home soon. Being the nice guy that he is, SuprMario[11] decides, on his way from dropping Mundania off, he would drop by and pick up Evang`M. Mundania packs up his things, bids his farewells, and off they go. Not knowing what time SuprMario and Evang would show up, Bruce and I decide to have another one of our fun 1on1's. By this time, The Concentric guys had set up their own little win95 server, playing 2on2 on Paragon, Starcraft, and whatever else they had going on. In the meantime, Boner and Hellsent[M] were watching GI-FootLoose play Baldur's Gate- an exciting new RPG from some great software company who's name escapes me at this moment. At this time we are wondering what's taking Philo so long from dropping his woman friend off at her house (gee, don't you wish YOU knew what they were doin? =P) By then FE comes over and starts to wach FootLoose play BG, who occasionally, yells over at Bruce and asks him for help. Then FE borrows a couple CDs, installs BG, and starts playing. I have no clue what the others are doing, I was busy "bUn"ing myself with self-grens during my 1on1 with Brucey. Finally, Philo arrives home, but we hardley noticed he was gone :P The rest of the nite was slow, and I can't really remember what went on. All I know is that I left at around 3:00AM, and SuprMario and Evang still hadn't come back. I then departed for the 2nd time that day, awaiting my return the following afternoon.

January 3rd, 1999 (11:50AM)- Yet again, I return to the glorious grounds on which Philocon '99 was taking place. I open the door, and to my left, I see the Concentric crew, minus Sarek and Onslaught, passed out on the couches and sleeping bags. I head on over to the living room, where I see Onslaught dozing off on the floor, Sarek, awake in a chair, and FootLoose, snoring his head off on the couch. I then head off into the computer room, where Hellsent and Philo have conveniently placed themselves under a desk, each asleep in their own sleeping bag. In the room next door, Boner had dozed off, with one of Philo's dogs asleep next to him. Soon after my arrival, people start waking up. Bruce had left earlier that morning to attend tennis practice with his father. Soon the phone rings, just as Bruce arrives home. It is their mommy, asking what we would like to eat. Philo decided that Chinese take-out was the cuisine of choice, and no one objected. By this time, we had decided to get a pickup game going, this time, the NoCal people VS the SoCal people. The Home team had the advantage having 6 players as opposed to 5. Needless to say, we PWNED them 11 caps to none, showing them who's turf they're on ;) In the middle of the pickup game, Asmo and Pinion show up, and shortly after, the food arrives. After the pickup game, we all get up, and start grubbin'. MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm egg foo young, flie lice, sweet&sour pork, and some fried chow mein were provided courtesy philo & brucey's mommy :> Soon after lunch, our long awaited guests, FruitFest and Teatew, finally arrive. Being that they were, oh, 12 hours late, it as not surprising that they did not bring their systems with them. Apparently they were up all nite owning it up on Im12's new Half-Life server, the Hump'n'Dump, with Yoink. Unfortunately Yoink had work and could not attend. Meanwhile FruitFest and Teatew were busy chowing down, the majority of us settle down on the couch to watch the 49ers vs packers game. Needless to say, 3d was rooting for the niners to win, with some unknown voice coming from the family rooms saying that the niners sucked and the packers owned. 49ers won with a last minute pass from someone to somebody else in the end zone. thats all you needed to know :> after the game, we made some futile attempts to get a HalfLife DM game going, but that only lasted for a few frags. The Concentric guys were still busy 2on2ing on Paragon, while FoulEffer was addicted to Baldur's Gate. After a few discussions about gren timers, how ghey )V( was and how a buncha cheaters they were =P , how sac and someone had the same movie line gren timers, and the reason why ppl play in 320X400 software instead of GL, the time had come for Philocon '99 to come to an end. Hellsent and FootLoose had packed up, along with Boner, and after their many goodbyes, departed for their 15 minute drive home. The Concentric guys packed up in a jiffy, had their things loaded into their rental van, and were ready to take off. Not without a picture would we let our guests leave, however (what kinda lan party would that be? no pix?) so we all gathered up outside philo's house, in front of the Concentric rental van (photos posted in the im12 scrapbook... well, 3 of em at least- JIM!!! SCAN THE REST OF THE PIX!!!). The Concentric crew then left on their 5 hour drive home, amidst the misty fog they would encounter on the grapevine. Our party of 20 was now down to a fivesome- philo, bruce, fruts, 3d, and myself- went inside and started to clean up. after a quick business deal with 10 cds, saving a trip down to frys, fruts and 3d were off back to nbase, gone to burn 3d's 2.5 gigs of pr0n, his nt5 cds, and baldur's gate- not knowing when they would be finished. well, after folding tables, putting away the chairs, and gathering all the cables, philo went upstairs to prepare himself for his woman who he was sending back to school that nite... meanwhile, brucey and i decided to go at it again on sq1, resulting in yet another handfull of "bUn"ings by yours truley... by the time brucey had hit 35 frags, philo was done prettying himself up for his woman, and it was time for me to pack my things and leave. we shut down the Philocon server, turned off our machines, packed my things, loaded them into my car, and off i went. what a great ending, eh? :> well, 48 hours of gaming that weekend- during the week, however, many of the attendees were MIA on irc- namely yonch, cubano, otro cubano, MM, asmo, and pinion... gee, i wonder why? mebbe their parents said "no more quaking. you quaked the entire weekend. no" or mebbe it was cuz they couldnt figure out how to reconfigure their cablemodems? oh well... Philocon '99 was a glorious and successful event, thanks to all who showed up. a special thanks goes out to Hellsent[M], SmokeDogg[12], and Bruce[12] for organizing this event, and of course, Philo[12], for making the arrangements and planning this out with his dad, allowing us TFer's to meet each other and really find out how dorky we really were :P Well this update is gettin really long... and its gettin pretty damn late- and thanks again to all who showed to make the first Philocon the success that it was- and watch out for Philocon Spring '99- coming soon to a neighborhood near you!!! (hopefully, this time we could have some sort of lpb connect *cough*nye*cough =P heehee) -bUnMaNGo[10]

Friday, January 08, 1999 | Holiday Bash, Some Games, and a Whole Lotta Pr0n

I'm so drunk, this update took me a week to write!
As it is with every holiday season around this time, people flock to Las Vegas to pile up on The Strip to do stupid things like spit loogies off the 15th floor of a hotel, streaking naked through the streets, or end up managing to get themselves arrested for poking someone in the ass with a dildo. So I decided this year, to get away from it all. What better place to go than California, and hang out with the rest of my little buddies? (my buddy... my buddy, wherever you go... i go too... err, nevermind).

Flown into Los Angeles on the 30th, then immediately thrown into MofoM's cubicle to play some Quake! What better way to start off the weekend? After a few games, I got bored, and started to surf for pr0n while Fruit did his work. Uneventful night after that, lots of frags, tons of pr0n -- same ol' stuff. We were supposed to leave for San Jose at 12 on the 31st, so Fruit and I decided to call it quits at 6am so we could get some form of sleep at his house (among other things, heh heh).

31st comes and almost goes; Fruit and I finally drag our half-asleep asses out of bed at 12, but not before Philodox had to call and wake us up, telling us he's already at Nbase waiting for us two llamas. Quickly showering, the two of us imitated SpeedRacer all the way down to UCLA to pick up YOINK first. YOINK was so many impressed with the [Im!12] sweatshirt I brought for him, he even discarded one of his own sweatshirts to make room for the 12 sweatshirt in his bag! Off we go again, onto one of the endless highways of California (I don't think they mark them anymore, just so people could get lost and drive off the 10 and into the Pacific Ocean or something -- population control?) Anyway, we finally get to Nbase (the receptionist is STILL missing, i wonder if there is really a receptionist for Nbase, or whether it's all just a conspiracy?) Philo and Bruce are at Fruit and MofoM's cubicles, irc'ing and netscape'ing. Turns out, that it took a whole 15 minutes to get Philo and Bruce inside the doors of Nbase, because the receptionist didn't know who Renard Dubois (Fruit) was? Some other employees even claimed Fruit was just some guy was only in his cubicle at night, and only there to play quake? What blasphemy! Fruit downloads pr0n too, damnit! Get things right, Sergio! =)

The five of us make our way up to San Jose, but not before stopping at the world's most un-sanitary Jack-in-the-Crack to eat. YOINK and I both swore that it was the dirtiest, most broken down, funkiest smelling Jack-in-the-Box ever (I think it's because they were hiding illegal immigrants in the back). We scarfed down some food, and were on our way again. Few hours later, we were in San Jose at Stinky's place, ready to party! Except of course, all five of us were smelling like each other's farts and our hair was all jacked (except Philo, he brought a hat to cover up his baldness). Not more than two minutes after we stepped into the apartment, we were all stuck with a beer or a cup of something to drink. Time is now 7pm, and dinner consisted of left over pizza, and some fajita things wrapped in aluminum foil FuckFace brought for us (it was yummy!). Party goes on for many hours, until New Years hits. We decided that there weren't enough women available at the party (all six of the women there were accounted for -- they all had boyfriends there), so we headed down to a nearby bar! YOINK and I made like Iceman and Maverick and played the wingman game. We went up to these semi-decent looking women wearing little patches of clothing over their breasts and legs, and I over heard YOINK say to this chick: "Hi, my friend here and I haven't blrughph, blehaboob, umph..." and he got his kiss from her. Shortly after, I got my share from her as well, but not before muttering something unhuman, and looking like I was about to pass out from thinking too hard. We left the bar after, heading for home, picking up many signs along the way. YOINK stole the numbers "1" and "2" from near-by gas station, and I plucked a few myself (I think I brought home a llama, but he disappeared in the morning). 2am, everybody started to leave, or started passing out on the floor. Bruce was getting a head start on the puking parade, because he was sprawled out on the bathroom floor like a dead-fish and his head was all the way IN the toilet bowl. This is of course, not before he showed how bad an aim HPB's really have, by puking all over the bathroom floor, and onto his shirt and shoes, before making it into the bowl itself. Apparently, some had gotten into the sink or something, because that clogged, as well as the toilet itself. It took the efforts of 4 men and 2 women to help clear the bathroom of puke, but not the stench! Stinky and his woman have long disappeared into the upstairs abode, but not before finding out that somebody had been humping on his bed (they broke in his new sheets! how awful!) -- he was a bit upset, but soon got over it when his woman flashed him wearing his very own [Im!12] sweatshirt (i brought one for him also); ok ok, maybe that didn't happen, but I'm sure at one time or another, Stinky sk0red. Moving along with our story, at 3am, only Nigel, Noel, Sonya, and Myself were left alive downstairs in a room lit by a lightbulb the size of a quake llama's left saq -- MofoM, his woman, YOINK, and Fruit all left to go to the hotel room (I still thinkg Fruit and YOINK got it on that night, both had big huge grins on their faces the next morning). We kept drinking champagne until the bottle was gone, and Nigel and I cracked into some beers after that. 4am didn't come, we skipped it to go straight to 5am, when Nigel and Sonya disappeared into the closet, Noel passed out on the floor, and me, well... I think I plopped down on the couch and slept, because that's where I woke up. I sure hope I humped somebody that night...but I don't remember!

Morning of the 1st, what fun. I woke up to the sound of somebody showering upstairs, and the nauseating feeling of drunkiness after 10 hours of drinking). I sat up and no more than three seconds later, I had my head planted on a toilet seat, manually resetting myself, and offering my lungs to the porcelin beast. Throughout the next four hours (from 8am to noon), i made 7 trips to the bathroom, once to poop, once to shower, and the other five for manually resetting my alcohol content. Then, get this, everybody decides to leave us and go to Denny's t oget lunch! Lunch! Of all things to say when I'm feeling like a puke-spewing old faithful. Mofo and his gang soon showed up to take Philo, Bruce, and I to lunch at Denny's as well. So we went, with me feeling awful in the front seat, and getting worse with Fruit's insane driving. Got to Denny's, everybody went to sit down, while I took a brief spewing break in the bathroom. Got our orders in with the waitress, Mofo, YOINK, and Fruit ordered five breakfasts between the three of them (that's a lotta pork, eh? They must like bacon and sausage). Our food got to our table shortly, I ordered a small steak, hoping the grease and meat would help to absorb some of the alcohol. To no avail, because I took three bites of the mashed potato, and I had to run to the bathroom -- Bruce was feeling the same way. But wait, the bathroom is now LOCKED! No! I felt the acidic burn of stomach acid running up my throat, split second later, a compound known as vomit (orange juice, water, and three bites of mashed potato) filled my mouth, I tried to hold it in by pinching my mouth close, but no, there was so many, and it all came ejaculating out of my mouth and onto the bathroom's "welcome" mat. It was glorious. Then I ran towards the nearest trash can in the kitchen and deposited my left lung in that. Finally, the bathroom opens, but not before I've already spewed out 98% of my intestines as well. Bruce and I head inside, him manning the toilet, and me the trashcan. He threw up some unknown substance for about 3 seconds, and there I was, leaving orange-ish alcohol deposits in the trash can. That was the very last time that day I threw-up. Unfortunately, I have no photo evidence to show for any of these glorious events, but Bruce was there to witness...you can interrogate him for further details. Oh yeah, I managed to stain a $60 polo shirt with puke, it was a bright orange-ish stain on the right side, near the collar. It was great -- smelled like Goldschlagger.

We made it back into LA the night of the 1st around 8pm. Philo and Bruce left soon after to go setup Philocon (I don't have anything to report from there, Fruit and I were only there for a half hour). YOINK came to Nbase around 10 or 11 that night, and the three of us (Fruit included) went dumpster diving. Dumpster diving had long since been a tradition of 12 ever since we found out there was a pr0n manufacturing building right next to Nbase! So we went and jumped into dumpsters to look for pr0n! Nothing eventful for the first 10 minutes, then, I pulled out a Kama Sutra book! Filled with countless photos of sexual positions! Every position imaginable to the human mind and some I didn't even know we were capable of contorting into. Then, moments later, YOINK reached into the bin, grabbed something by the hair, and out appears a blond blowup doll, with vibrating attachments to the mouth! It was great, the vagina was even dirty, and it blinks too! The three of us were so many excited after this reward from the pr0n goddess. We raced back to Nbase to take photos, but while on the way, YOINK accidentally ripped out the vagina, and couldn't reinserted back in. So there we were, in Mofo's cubicle, blowup doll on his chair (ripped vagina and everything), taking photos. Evidence is in im12.curtisfong.org/images/newyears99. Go look for yourself, at the wonderful new blowup addition to 12.

Rest of the weekend went by rather eventless, I spent most of it at Mofo's place, playing Quake and downloading porn. Oh, we managed to get a HalfLife server up and running. Im!12s Hump n' Dump at 206.111.86.114:27015. Go and purge llamaness. Another thing to report though, was my pr0n collection from this weekend. I made out with 1.3gb's of high quality pr0n videos. Curtesy of sites, YOINK, and Mofo's jaz drive. It was great. Fruit and I had to spend 4 hours at Nbase burning cd's. Other than that though, the rest of the weekend was uneventful. Mofo is still up in Canada humping the hills with his snowboard, Fruit is back at work slacking off, and his YOINKness? Well, no body is really sure what YOINK does in his spare time away from the rest of us, but I'm sure none of it will ever be as exciting as the blowup doll incident. =) Another wonderful partying weekend from the crew at 12! We'll hafta do it again, except this next time, I'm not puking! -pimp-i-wonder-when-demogirl-is-gonna-send-me-her-photo-3d

Fruts's News

First, Stinky's party ruled. It was good to finally meet FuckFace, Stinky, and Case. FE came after FF left, but I still think that FF could have outdrank him. Sorry FE, but FF is one bad mofo. I ended up passing out on the couch and missed all the bar and land rape festivities :p But, unlike everyone besides Nigel, I didn't toss my lunch.

Roster changes: [Im'12] welcomes a few new recruits: DRAVEN, ··DEMOGIRL, and SUPRMARIO. I'm sure they'll fit right in. Draven and DG are already kicking ass, but someone remind me why we took Supr? There must have been some reason.. PHILODOX will be gone until April to finish boot camp, sorry, 'Advanced Technical Training'. uNF!!

Philocon was a huge success, i'll wait for BRUCE or BUN to give me that update. Notables included Sarek, Foul, Ons, Kosenab, Case from NoCal, Supr and Mundania from SoCal. I left out many others, but they will be included in the Philocon news.

[Im'12] has a Half-Life server up, the Hump 'n Dump. Yoink and I have been DMing for hours straight, and yes, it really does help our TF skills. -Fruts

Monday, December 21, 1998 | A Day That Belongs to the Stupid

Note for the mentally challenged.
About that section below:

"umm...leave this out. potential recruits think we are disbanding or something.
I cant recruit anyone w/o dispelling this rumor."
Goddamn llamas.

Note to terminally slow people: the bit in yellow below is a joke. Yellow. That's this color if you STILL haven't caught on. Notice the sarcasm. Notice the references to some OTHER clans' obsession with names. All of it is intended to be humorous. One syllable translation: "joke". See the point is... it's just a name. It means nothing. You could name a clan "foo foo bunnies with furry tails" and it would make no difference. If clan "foo foo bunnies with furry tails" wins alot, people start equating "foo foo bunnies with furry tails" with "kick ass clan". Aw forget it. Nobody understands my sense of humor anyway. -MofoM

Monday, December 7, 1998 | A Day That Will Live in Infamy

Happy Birthday [I'm 13]!
[I'm 12] has undergone a massive restructuring, much like the one IC and >V< went though. Yes. That's right. We've changed NAMES! That's how damn different everything is now.

NOW we're [I'm 13], and because we have a new name you should be scared of us because the NEW one is WAY more badass than the old, lame, pussy one. You see, when [I'm 12] started, people were just plain ashamed to get killed by Jessica[I'm 12].

"What!," you had said, "I've been fragged by a clanless newbie 12 year old! I must REALLY SUCK."

No longer must you suffer such humiliation, because the [I'm 13] tag is SO much more badass, you can NOW tell yourself (and your friends) "I'm SO cool I got pwned by a [I'm 13] member. He even said something like 'heh' or 'gay' or 'yawn' or 'owned' or 'boy DMing for 16 hours straight really helps my TF skillz' right after he killed me. Thats how l33t I am."

Just be thankful we didn't use clanomatic to make our new name. Because if we had a clanomatic generated name, we'd never lose at all. EVER. See, i'd be like "MofoM[DB]" (DeathBringers) or "MofoM[RRBD]" (ReallyReallyBigDragons) or "MofoM[KoSwD]" (KnightsOfSlayerswithDOGS) or "MofoM[IPN]" (InsanePowerNuns)*. THATS how important it is for a clan to have a KICKASS name. In fact, if somebody asked me what the most important thing was for a clan to have, I'd say "dude, forget getting a good sniper. Forget team play. Forget a warm, supportive, family-like atmosphere. Get a GOOD name. A scary one. Think Death. Dragons. Knights. Terror. Stuff like that." Thats why we have a new name, and thats why ya'll should phear us. -MofoM

*Well. OK. Maybe NOT MofoM[InsanePowerNuns], but you get the idea.

Roster changes, @home sucks
@home can suck my left nut; Fist, Kambridge, SorvinO, and Guido are affected. Clone is MIA yet again. SiliteK has been booted for the 2nd and last time. NeVeck has left us for [M] - best wishes there Nev, and thanks for the memories. Asmo has left us for tN - Asmo, you are still welcome to chill with us and you'd better come to Yoink's parties, otherwise Philo and I will have to come over and kick your skinny white ass. MastaMonk has retired to concentrate on school - good luck on those college apps Masta. DeZertFoX has requested to continue his TF1 career here with us and we have accepted him as a full member. In an unrelated development, [M] and [12] have decided to suspend monday practices for the immediate future, thus ending an alliance which has lasted for so many moons. Philodox is back for 1 month before he finishes his boot camp training. Drizzt, Jackrabbit, JonD, and Tetsuo have made 12, congrats to them, and to our newest member, Yagami[11]. Beowulf has donated us a server and has received honorary 12 status. Listerine[12] has left us for 6mo while she helps build a church in Brazil - we wish her well and will miss her fondly (smooch). -Fru

Thursday, November 5, 1998 | Another Load of Crap from the Buttfruits at Microsoft

I know, I know, I'm a crackpot and shouldn't be believed.
MS is about benjies, not good software. You know it, I know it, their investors know it. They are singularly successful. No other public company in the history of mankind makes, or has made, or is likely to EVER make as much money as they do. They are the epitomy of what capitalism is about: profit at all cost, all else, including public good, are from trickle down effects of proper competitive pressures thanks to the "open market".

Sometimes, however, just insuring you maximize profit doesn't guarantee you are making the best product. There are innumerable legal ways to stifle innovation and give your customers the shaft (repeatedly, even), all with a positive effect on your cash flow.

Normally, if you do this often enough, you will eventually lose your customers. Con-artists understand this, and move around alot. However, if you are a big enough corporation, and have enough disdain and contempt for your customers, and have enough money and lawyers, you can do wonderful things. According to conventional wisdom, the free market is supposed to stop this sort of thing.

Supposedly, a free market system says a "superior" competitor can drive out even a well dug in corporation like MS. However, MS which a) treats its customers like shit, b) releases inferior product and c) is admittedly rabidly anti-competetive, has absolutely thrived in this "free market". The only stumbling block to MS's success is NOT a competetor. It is a different process. MS is smart enough to understand this. No company can seriously pose a threat to MS, and the US govn't shouldn't have to intervene. The OSS is an example of such a process, and for the first time, from this set of documents, we have a glimpse at how MS plans to fight it and how in the end it will probably help MS screw you some more. -MofoM

Monday, November 2, 1998 | Moment of Silence for Animal[M]

[I'm 12] sends its sincerest condolences to [M] and all of Animal's family, friends, and acquaintances.
-MofoM-A

Sunday, November 1, 1998 | 12 years old, many alcoholic to be drink

Guest News P1mp (again)
In the event that you cannot handle the graphic content of this news update, please to be turning right and hurl liver over arm of chair, or cover eyes with bandaid; which ever you'd prefer, of course.

After a nice long dinner at a local classy restaurant, several im12 members were spotted at a Pi Kappa Phi fraternity party at the University of California, Los Angeles (that's UCLA, for the dumb). Yoink, host of the party, graciously accepted all of us into his bar-setup bedroom at the frat house. Immediately, we were all stuck with rum and cokes or screwdrivers; many also grabbed beers...and those who didn't get any alcoholic beverages were forced to leave the premises through the third floor window b y bouncers the size of small houses. The short list of people who weren't removed by this means was seen moping around: fruitfest, mofom, his woman, galois and his woman, and myself.

After several hours of listening to hardcore jamming music that has been known to cause deafness in small rodents, 99.2847% of us (the above list, including Yoink and HIS woman) were sufficiently drunk. However, we found the party a bit dull at this poin t, so Fruitfest and me took it upon ourselves to IRC for a bit. There, we found enough guts (having alcohol flowing freely to braincells really help) to talk to Listerine[11] -- our newest recruit, who just also happens to be female. Fruitfest shameless ly flirted with her while I sat in a chair nearby and watched, occassionally throwing in a sentence here and there until fruitfest decided to be a llama and slammed his head down onto the table -- thereby knocking over a full cup full of "Nightmare" all o ver the keyboard. Shortly after (like, almost instantly), the keyboard started to hiccup... like, hitting a key would make 15 other characters appear on the screen. So, hitting on Listerine was over; and at this point, she's developed an innate hatred t he size of Jupiter for pimp3d's stupidity and left; leaving yours truly oogling at the screen, in hopes she'd come back to chit-chat some more. (editor note: Ed says, "I'm sorry for being such a retard, J!")

Lil Layzie and his girlfriend had shown up at this point, lounging carelessly at a nearby couch, watching fruitfest and pimp3d's drunken acts of stupidity. Few minutes go by... Fruit's on the couch at this point, sipping a brand new drink, just chitchatt ing until Yoink's woman said something about him not looking too well, and someone should help him soon. Approximately 30 seconds later, Fruit stands, takes two steps towards the window nearby, and a stream of alcohol mixed dinner particles came spewing out of his facial openings (ears are NOT part of the facial openings), and onto the balcony floor. If he had taken a smaller last step, the entire hork puddle would have ended up on either a) Mof's g/f or b) Yoink's brand new dsl router (which was facing up, so it would have made it rather crusty -- mmm, crusty). Needless to say, the rest of us were pretty shocked. Fruitfest's first time being drunk to the point where he had to hurl out a lung. It was great, a major accomplishment for all that is 12. The women (except Lil's woman) immediately rushed to Fruit's rescue, rubbing him all over, putting all the guys (except Lil, whos facial expression cannot be described by words -- but it was cool looking) in the room into a jealous frenzy. Fruit was the n left to be tended to by the women folks. The rest of us just stared at each other for the rest of the party -- which was only about 5 minutes (editor note: hey, that's 4:57 minutes longer than it takes for me to...err, nevermind).

After everybody left and bedding arrangements were made, Yoink and myself dragged Fruitfest -- who was 3 seconds from passing out at this point -- from the balcony entrance to the couch where he immediately passed out until 8:30 the following morning. So there were five others, two women, three men left in that room, who were all on the verge of passing out, just like Fruitfest. We all crawled into our arranged bed places and tried to get some winks. Shortly after the lights went out, muffled female gi ggles and moaning noises were heard throughout the dark room. These noises continued for the next several minutes on into the whee hours of the morning (total about 2 hours or so), keeping both pimp3d and mofo's woman up all night.

Morning after comes, pimp3d awakes to female footsteps going out of the door. Looking about, he sees that Mofo is also awake... but without his shirt (hmm...), and his jeans looking rather wrinkled and abused. Fruit shortly awakes, sits up looking reall y groggy along with nappy bed hair (camel spit gel sold separately), and directs this to pimp3d, "hey, let's go snipe! let's do it!" No hang over, no headache, Fruit is now a confirmed alien. Mofo agrees and his woman concurs. And that ended our fruitf ul night of partying.

Sunday afternoon, scrim versus Zzz. Im12 went nuts with the Sandmens on the 32smooth map. Really neato burrito. Later that night, about ooh... almost bedtime for us little kids, we played AR on well6 for IGL. Final, 4-3, 12 barely pulling out the win with a last minute cap and stopping AR from capping #4. Go take a look at the screenshots, they're neat... got color and everything. You don't even need to bring crayons. I luv this game. -pimp-i-lawb-listerine-3d

Additional notes: Happy Birthday Listerine[Im'12]!! Listerine rocked in our scrim and IGL match and turns 12 a mere 4 days after becoming 11!!

WTG! Congrats to Soth and MrNice for making 12 last week, and to our newest recruit, bUnMaNGo.

The gym is now a p2 333, no more server side lag, ever. w00t! also, t2 aka Pimp3d is also sporting a K because he's a major badass. Congrats to the buttfruits at the Kaizen society for finally giving 3d his due respect!! -Fruit-i-lub-list-too-Fest

Tuesday, October 27, 1998 | Buttfruits At TFS

tf29qw.zip <-- buttfucked
Well I found out what the server loading was. Turns out TFS, in their infinite brilliance, put TWO qwprogs.dat in the tf29qw.zip file, and did not document which was which. The ALL caps one 

QWPROGS.DAT size=835756 *progs=59258
is the RIGHT one. The all lower-case one 
qwprogs.dat size=835280
is the "lanned" version with 15 pipes per team, separate bio/medkit weapon, etc. If in doubt, look at the *progs in the server's serverinfo. If its NOT 59258, its not TF 2.9.

Server admins, please click here.

All of this, of course, could have been avoided if people stopped using MS products, since it's clear the orignal luser who made the zip file was a on a DOS box and forgot that case means something in the real world. Oh, and thank you Microsoft for making the Windows LFN system so bug free and consistent. Next time you make a "server-only" side update, use tar+gzip please. -MofoM

Thursday, October 22, 1998 | TF 2.9 out

Good News and Bad News
Well TF 2.9 is out. It is very nice. The HebeyWepon guy especially is super extra swell. My problem is... WHY did my server load DOUBLE after upgrading to 2.9?

Tell me somebody is working on this, or send me a P2 or two at least.

As a bonus for those of you dumb enough to actually LOOK on this page for useful news, here is [I'm 12]'s secret well6 attic offense. -MofoM

Thursday, October 15, 1998 | Updating is a pain.

Guest Host
Update? Do these come in different flavors?

To start things off, I overheard these things from our fearless, prepubescent leaders; somebody file these off into the neato-burrito archive of fun quotes:

[mofs] ed found a penispump in his medicine cabinet
[Fruit[12]] fruts is crack you like lobster craw!
Next on the agenda, what has I'm 12 been doing as of late? NOTHING. We plop on our buttocks and compete to see who can urinate the furthest while sitting. On a more serious note, we barely slipped past GT to keep our ASTFL League Title - which we stumbled across while on a clan fieldtrip to K-Mart. MVP goes to...does anyone know who played in the I'm 12 vs GT match last night? Oh well, at least we know who the llama award is going to (me, in case you're not bright enough to figure this out).

This just in, some I'm 12 members have been overheard saying that they were all angry at the lack of buttfruits from the newly acquired I'm 12 zoo animals. Upset over the fact that camels spit on them and the squirrels try to rip their nuts off, several of our members have since disappeared into hermithood. A nation wide search has commenced for such members. If you have an clues or leads as to where some of our members might be, please contact us: at 1-888-PH-AGGEE. Cans of moldy spam will be handed out as rewards. Please help us!

That pretty much sums it up, folks. Stayed tuned for further updates in the coming days. Special appearance by a lady who claims the left breast of her 38EE chest resembles Philodox[Im12] is scheduled. Thanks for reading, may pigeons poop on your head, and your TF experiences today be filled by napalm spam [and gay sniprs - Ed.] -teatew

Monday, September 21, 1998 | Fuck You Valve

No News is Good News
I just got back from my New Zealand trip, so I have NO clue whats going on in [I'm 12] (although I gather we're doing OK). Sorry about the lack of updates. Lesse, we won a few games, lost a few games. We're #3 now or something in the TF top 10 poll, after being dropped to #7. Not sure if that means we sucked for a few days or the TF poll's error bars are a bit big, especially since a) neither loss was to a lower ranked team and b) neither win was over a higher ranked team (not sure about the GT's status at matchtime). -MofoM

Load of Crap from the Buttfruits at Valve
Since I'm clearly too clueless to do a REAL update, how about a nice rant? Who cares about some silly random ranking anyways?

I just visited ETF's site and saw something disturbing. When asked if Valve intended to make a Linux port of Half-Life (and thus TF2), Lisa Mennet of Valve gave the almost heartbreakingly predictable response:

> We don't have plans to do a Linux port. Its a simple
> return-on-investment decision.
>
> Thanks for your time

Well dip me in horseshit. As usual, the need to make money and not the desire to make better software has made all our lives suck just a little more. All of you server admins with a brain realize what a PAIN in the ass NT is to admin remotely, and have long since set up Solaris or Linux servers, no? Unless Valve gets magnanimous and decides to dump a bunch of resources (yes, probably "un-returned" on their "investment" resources) in doing the "right thing"TM, I will NOT be running a TF2 server. Ever. Fuck you Valve, and fuck you world. If [I'm 12] decides to move to TF2, I would be put into the horrible situation of deciding between loyalty to the wonderful bunch of folks in [I'm 12] and the feeling I should simply boycott TF2 altogether. I know ultimately a boycott of one doesn't amount to a hill of rat droppings to Valve, but maybe somebody else other than me is pissed. Write me if you want and tell me how you feel. -MofoM

Tuesday, August 18, 1998 | TF Clans Top 10 Poll Update

[I'm 12] ranked #5?
Weird. We're on people's radar. Check this out. [M] and BH especially are still underrated, and everybody knows polls are a popularity contest, but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention this in our news section. -MofoM

New Server Settings
If you've been having problems connecting to our public server, its because we've moved to sv_mapcheck 1. NOTE! The TFNewbies "2fort5 version 2" link IS NOT VERSION 2!. Get the REAL version 2 from Someone's page or from us:

  • Someone's 2fort5.zip
  • Someone's 2fort5.zip (from our archive)

    Also, note that I tend to run the level 4 vised versions of these maps because I happen to like GL. Let me clarify that. If you get shot in the water, its because a) the server is running a level 4 vised map and b) the guy who just shot you is running a level 4 vised map. Generally, this is not considered cheating, although hard-core types (ahem BH ahem) say it is.

    It is not evidence of waterhack. "sv_mapcheck 1" disallows waterhack. So you did not just get shot by somebody using a hacked map. Btw, contrary to popular opinion, "watervis 0" does NOT disable water hack; it simply tells the GLQuakeWorld client that its not to allow r_wateralpha!=1. If you disagree strongly with us using "watervis 1", mail me. -MofoM

    Monday, August 10, 1998 | [I'm 12] DW4 Sky Champs!

    Load of crap from the buttfruits at DW4. UPDATE already.
    We had a simply AMAZING game vs. BRB on Friday for DW4 Sky Championships. It went 0-0, 0-0 for the 2x30 games, forcing us into sudden death overtime . After some truely crazy shit we managed to bring a cap home with our 5 soldier 1 spy offense. GG BRB. Now if only somebody was running DW4 and did some damn updates.

    In other news, we have regained the IGL west title after battling AR. GG. Look out, >V<, you rat bastards, we're coming for you. IGL is definitely THE only worthwhile league in town now, and with the addition of news p1mp Crooky, there is really no need to go anywhere but the IGL to find out what is going on in TF land. Props to Helmut. You da man. Now go find Ferenczy and teach. -MofoM

    Finally, in a shocking turn of events Lanfear[M] was spotted saying "lol" for the first time in IRC history after Mofs[12] solicited an offer from a goat for an act costing $50 in the #im!12 channel. A [M] spokesperson was unavaliable for comment, but rumors persist that it was an impostor. -Curtis

    Friday, July 31, 1998 | Spam.

    Load of crap from the buttfruits at Microsoft.
    Alot of stuff has happened lately, and I should update about that, but I'm pissed again right now, so instead of updating I'm gonna go on a rant.

    Ok. So I get this goddamn spam from MS in my mail box. I can deal. But WHAT is up with this pathetic fucking disclaimer?

    THIS DOCUMENT IS PROVIDED FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. The information contained in this document represents the current view of Microsoft Corporation on the issues discussed as of the date of publication. Because Microsoft must respond to change in market conditions, it should not be interpreted to be a commitment on the part of Microsoft and Microsoft cannot guarantee the accuracy of any information presented after the date of publication.
    INFORMATION PROVIDED IN THIS DOCUMENT IS PROVIDED 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE AND FREEDOM FROM INFRINGEMENT.
    The user assumes the entire risk as to the accuracy and the use of this document. This document may be copied and distributed subject to the following conditions:
    1. All text must be copied without modification and all pages must be included
    2. All copies must contain Microsoft's copyright notice and any other notices provided therein
    3. This document may not be distributed for profit.
    If I read that correctly, it basically says: 1) We, Microsoft, can lie all we want in our stupid ass spam, so poo on you if we ever mislead, inveigle, or obfuscate. 2) You (dear spam victim) can't copy it or distribute it unless you don't modify it (as if you'd want to, oh, and btw. is putting it in .html copying or are you, the reader, responsible for snaggin it off my server?) HUH? You can't resend it w/o changing the fucking text! Minimally, yer gonna have to change the mail headers, and if you make .html out of it, its gonna be totally different. Somebody out there has too much money to spend on lawyers. So here it is, and I' ve fucking changed the text, so Microsoft, if you see this, come get me, motherfuckers. -MofoM

    Tuesday, July 14, 1998 | Yah, Yah, so we don't update. Bite Me :) [I'm 12]'s first match loss since March :/

    Match Updates
    We played another DW4 Sky division match against [BrB], a clan that has been on a real hot streak lately. First round ended them up 1-0 on their server, which is known to hate anyone from the west coast, which just happens to include 100% of us :) No excuses though, BrB taught us how to play 2f5 in a caps only match. Heavy heavy fragging, but in the end, only caps count. We used 10 offense, 2 defense for most of the match, and got the flag to the top of the spirals 3 or 4 times, but still couldn't make it those last few feet. Second round on our server was more of the same. This round ended in a 0-0 tie. Great game BrB, we can't wait for the rematch. This was our first match loss since 3/18/1998.

    In Disposable Heros action, we played Angelic Demise [AD], and damn, can they play TF. Both rounds were 1-0 our favor, a good showing when you consider our average ping was 50ms lower. The [AD] members were great sports in both rounds, and it's too bad they are in another IGL division; we will not be playing them again any time soon :/

    In more DH action, we played [BH]. We agreed to play on TF 2.8.2b, and yes, the new conc is better. We had one hour to prepare on it, but 5 minutes would have been adequate. We were up 2-1 on our server, our flag in our spirals, when the match ended 5 minutes early. We are replaying this round at our request this Thursday, thanks [BH]. The second round was on the east cost [BH] server, which HATED us, but we used some cap-preventing tricks [BrB] taught us just a day ago :) This round ended in a 0-0 tie, heavy fragging, lots of flag movement by both sides (yes, a 2 person offense can cause problems :) [BH] displayed a level of sportsmanship rarely seen by us in TF. GG [BH], and we hope to play you again when DH restarts.

    In other Im12 news, ShadowSpawn and SmokeDogg are now official members after a grueling recruitment period. In the seven months we've been around we've had only 4 member departures to other clans. A tremendous accomplishment.

    Finally, you may ask how we are doing in the Iron Glove League, after being denied admission for 6 weeks, err, cuz of lost email/icq messages :). Well, check this:


    -Fruit

    Thursday, July 2, 1998 | [I'm 12] Western IGL CHAMPS

    [I'm 12] Defeats CIAB for IGL Western Division Championships!
    Welp we finally made it to the top of the heap in IGL West. WTG everybody! Plus, even though we are losing Philodox to the military (I wanna kill!), we have gained two 11 year olds - SmokeDogg (demo god) and ShadowSpawn (lpb snipey).

    Congrats to you both, and especially Fi$T, who has gone from being 11 to a big grown up 12! No word yet on if his bedtime has gotten later.

    Oh and while we're here, I GOTTA plug CiaB's website - it's fuckin classic. Be sure to fill out the application section.-MofoM

    Monday, June 29, 1998 | UUNet Blows Dog Balls

    Connect problems, but also some good news!
    First, the bad news.

    As you may have noticed, our servers have been having problems. No, the servers themselves are fine. The problem, you see, is UUNet. They have been giving us the run-around for the past 3 weeks. There is no end in sight to the problems, but hopefully our servers will be marginally useful again soon, as I have escalated our DEFCON. The next level (if it comes to that) is ditching UUNet and switching to, say, Concentric (hi KR!).

    Now, the good news.

  • [I'm 12] now has a .K sniper :) Congrats FE!
  • [I'm 12] now has a truely frightening record in DW4, LoC, and IGL.

    Go look if you don't believe me. 'nuff said. -MofoM

    Thursday, June 18, 1998 | Contest!

    Goodbye SEA, hello SKY
    Due the the can of asswhuppin (average +17.5 caps margin!) Im12 opened on the SEA division of DW4, we've been upgraded to the SKY division. Congrats everybody. This means we'll be playing IC, BrB, uVm, IRON, MC, BK and WM soon. woooooo! -MofoM

    I'd like to mention that the methods used for seeding are completely retarded. [M] is put in the 2nd division? MP and .M in the 3rd division? What? Wake up =SD=! And according to the rules, it can take up to 10 weeks for a clan to move up a division. If you were stuck in Llamaville, would you want to wait ten weeks? =SD=, you'd better get a clue, and quickly. If we wanted a tourney run like IGL, we'd be in it. Hey, we are in IGL!! hmmm.... -Fruit

    Saturday, June 6, 1998 | Try Dos TF 3.0!, Transparent Water & Mirror Damage, Ranks Off For Good

    Which TF do you prefer?
    Ok, we now have two public servers. One runs a server from TF Software. The other runs Clan TF 3.0 from Sinth his friends at clan DoS. Play on the one you would rather see leagues such as Dragon Warz and IGL adopt, or what you would want your team to play matches on. Remember that Clan TF 3.0 is not 'better' or 'newer' than 2.8.x from TFS. It's just different, and there is nothing about Clan TF which makes it more cheat proof that any other iteration of TF. If you do try Clan TF, please don't accuse people of cheating until you understand how gameplay has changed (try killing an eng/medic and get his pack, get axed by a hwguy, get hit with a scout freeze gren, etc). As much as I dislike 2.8, I will not be on the Clan TF server much until leagues move to it. It may be sooner than we think, so jump on our Clan TF server and give it a try.

    Reminder to the clueless out there: we run watervis 1 and use vised maps (incl 2fort5, well6) so everyone can potentially see through water. Conc'd and in the water? You're a sitting duck :) No more autoaim accusations please! We do this so the playing field is 'even'. Besides, some maps such as Canalzone are designed with transparent water in mind.

    Finally, turning the rankings off and using teamplay 10261 (Mirror Dammage: shoot your teammate and they lose 1/2 armor and you lose 1/2 health) seems to have improved gameplay and reduced spamming. Mirror damage will stay on for now, perhaps later we will go back to teamplay 21 or 11. -Fruit

    May 27, 1998 | We don't like mean people

    Miscommunication
    Apparently some are confused about the status of our recent Oski game. We asked for a match, and the Oski rep agreed. Crimson Dawn had some rather umpleasant things to say about us on the TF Clans page. It appears he doesn't think we are smart enough to distinguish between a match or a scrim :p Crim, I wish you had contacted us before posting what you did. We are contacting Oski and hopefully this matter will be settled soon. -Fruit

    May 24, 1998 | Update after so long time. Rankings OFF for now

    I'm 12 News
    Mofo and I have turned off the rankings for now. They have seemed to encourage poor gameplay/spamming/camping. visions of soldiers killing one person then resupplying Spring TO mind. if everyoNe leaves TO plAy elsewhere, then i'm full of shit and mofo will start upDating again.

    We've become a very active TF clan, and our irc channel is always packed. In the last month we have picked up Dolemite, Kuda, Mudkiller, Turbo Boy, Heracles, Clone, and Masta Monk. All are great to hang out with and kick ass TFers to boot. We are in IGL, DW4, and LoC. Pretty heady stuff for only 17 or so active members.

    [I'm 12] goes 66-2 in caps in their last 5 matches and we still can't get in IGL? what? We've been waiting for so long time to get in, and it turns out that I lost an ICQ message from Helmut. Another reason why I hate ICQ. Boycott! Besides, AOL might start charging :p

    After our LoC and OSKI matches later today we'll upgrade to ver 2.21/2.8 of the client and server. uggg.
    Our server will run watervis 1, sv_aim .93, and sv_friction 6. GL users and those who waterhack their maps can still see through water. Waterhack is not considered a cheat, but some think it's cheap. I don't want to start a pro/con argument, I'm just letting you know how our server is set up.

    Check our record page for screen shots of all our games. we've been playing a lot more lately.

    In unrelated news, Mudkiller has been showing off his html skills. Check out his new page.

    In more unrelated news, we held a few parties, and Yoink and I attended a taping of Colin's Friends on May 13. Colin hosts a public access show on Century Cable, which provides content for a large portion of Los Angeles. Check the Message Board for the juicy details. Suffice it to say that the even was not to be missed. Yours truly recorded the event with a Kodak Max disposable camera. Scans of the party, Porn Day, random prom pictures, and Mundania's girlfriend can be found in our Scrapbook. -Fruit.

    April 11, 1998 | Added Message Board

    Added Scribble Page
    Galois has slaved tirelessly to give us a message board. Have fun.

    In other news, I sent the following to Bundy and StealthRT: 

    Messrs StealthRT and Bundy:

Please pass along to Fat Dragon wherever he may be.

Permission is also granted to release this memo to the TF press-at-large
if it is deemed newsworthy.

Fat Dragon's plight has come to the attention of the juvenile delinquents
of Clan [I'm 12]. In view of our sympathy towards an individual whose
weltanschaung, personal integrity, and, well, M.O. resonates so closely
with our own, Clan [I'm 12] would like to issue the following proclamation:

Whereas, on this date, the Sixth of April, in the Year of our Lord 1998,
Clan [I'm 12] officially endows Fat Dragon with honorary membership into
Clan [I'm 12], with all the rights, responsibilities and privileges that
it conveys upon the honoree, let this day be known as "Fat Dragon Day",
with the proviso that the venerable Fat Dragon return forthwith to the TF
community.

As a server admin, I, MofoM, pledge to kickban and writeip (or winnuke/land,
at my discretion) any individual who provably masquerades, maliciously or
otherwise, as the above mentioned honoree, on ANY of [I'm 12]'s servers
(and on any other servers to which I happen to have biffed the rcon).

Any and all Lava Weiglers (and bleders) will also be summarily kickbanned,
in a show of solidarity and support for Fat Dragon and his Day.

Fat Dragon, we miss you.

Respectfully (or as much as can be expected under the circumstances),

Mofo Mujimbo, Leader, [I'm 12]
mofo@curtisfong.org
http://im12.curtisfong.org/
    --MofoM

    Friday, Apr 3, 1998 | Silly Slappy!

    BAD Lame-o[M]! Bad!
    Lame-o[M] seems to have hacked the rankings. Shame on you! I give you a shell account, and what do I get in return? Sure, it was April 1, but I hope you have a backup for me, because I have totally reset the rankings again. "Why not just delete the offending parties?" you ask? Good question. The problem is, those people who got kills against them got HUGE skill bonuses. Sorry folks (esp. >V< Sacrifice, who seemed to be winning).

    Other random news:

    Picked up some new members: FoulEffer and Onslaught. Other recruiting stuff still in progress. Can't say more. SniperBot left us for [GG] (now Zeus[GG] again). Corrupt likes to pop on and off our probation list. Matchstick MAY be going active again pending firewall stuffs.

    We played a bunch more people. Highlights: TFO2 was really fun. We won most of our games. We beat APr in a scrim (luck? maybe), but got whooped bigtime later in two official match rounds against them. We played some more scrims. Won most of those. We matched vs CH4 and won by a while bunch. Sorry its all so sketchy but I don't have the energy to dig through all the screen shots.

    April Fools update:

    Old rankings restored. Lame-o[M] seems to be a real big softie at heart and had everything backed up. --MofoM

    Monday, March 16, 1998 | Server Blew Up

    URM. Doh!
    The server blew up. I lost all the rankings. After a few hours of hair pulling I have everything up and running again. Here is your chance to see your name in lights, as the rankings have been totally reset. Good hunting. Sorry Frodo[M]. --MofoM

    Tuesday, February 17, 1998 | Server Upgrades Round 3

    Server Upgrades Round 3
    Working until 4:30 am, Mofo and Fruit configured a dedicated, kick-ass Quake server. It runs both the Jungle Gym and the Sandbox, and its IP address is 208.195.192.5 (ports: 27500-public, 27501-private). Any lag problems are now entirely due to your ISP! h0rk's rankings have been moved to this new machine (im12.curtisfong.org). They also installed the latest version of the Apache web server. h0rk is now private. Hal has been decomissioned. --Curtis

    Sunday, February 15, 1998 | [I'm 12] Scrims a bunch of clans

    Lots of TF played!
    [I'm 12] turned in a Glorious 2 round performance today against [TT]. Thanks for coming by, [TT], and if you ever want to play again we will gladly accept! Since this was a scrim we didn't screenshot. Ask a [TT] member what they thought of us.

    As if this wasn't enough, we did an impromptu practice with [CG] immediately afterwards. Suffice it to say that [I'm 12] represented itself well.

    Finally, we did a 8 on 8 vs [BFTD]. "Bitchslapped" was how they described the treatment they received (probably because Mofo and Fruit were upset at missing Zz's BondageFest). Again, since this was an informal scrim, no screen shot was taken. [BFTD], thanks for being gracious guests and for putting up with our occasionally laggy connection from UUNET. -Fru!+

    Tuesday, February 12, 1998 | Server Upgrades

    h0rk upgraded
    h0rk is now sporting a 200MHz pentium, overclocked to 225MHz, and 48MB ram. We'll see if it pukes! -Fru!+

    Tuesday, February 10, 1998 | Alliance with [M]

    [I'm 12] and [M]: Separated at Birth?
    In a surprise move that rocked the TF community (or if it didn't it should have damage), [I'm 12] and Clan [M]egadeath have forged a strategic alliance. Details are still sketchy, and talks have been mysterously shrouded in secrecy, so stay tuned. -Mofo

    Face it, 2fort5 blows.
    We like 2fort4r better. So h0rk is running that now. Sorry. Go download it here. -Mofo

    Thursday, January 29, 1998 | Cheaters Bite Me

    TF 2.7 is out

  • Cheaters suck. Server admins, get TF 2.7
  • Some little dork named Ice intentionally crashed Hork.
  • Finished moving rankings to Hork.
  • Hal is back up now for real. He'll probably run 2fort4r.
  • #im!12 moved to gamesnet permanently.
  • The World is Shit. Many of you don't suck. But a select few do. Sigh. -Mofo

    Monday, January 19, 1998 | Hal Back Up

    Mofo Mujimbo and Galios are back
    Whistler/Blackcomb got dumped on while Galios and I were there snowboarding. We fear groomed runs, so we went stash hunting by following locals around. Suffice it to say that many first tracks were laid by yours truly, as late as 3pm. My Custom 155 proved too short for the task, and I was feeling insecure because Galois has a damn K2 FB 174. So I broke down and bought a '98 Johan 162. Joy! If you haven't ridden this board, go demo it the next time you go riding.

    Let me make this perfectly clear:
    a) Groomed runs are a waste of real estate.
    b) Moguls are a waste of real estate.
    c) If only the US had sane OB guidelines. Canada fucking rules.
    d) Canadians are the coolest people on the planet.
    End of story.

    I brought Hal back up again, this time running vote1. Maxclients is 16. I wanted a vote server around so people stop playing 2fort[45] so damn much. I'll replace it with vote40 when I get a chance and when I finish the list of maps I want on Hal. If you want to play 2fort[45] go to H0rk instead. I will be moving the rankings too. -Mofo

    Friday, January 9, 1998 | Hal Offline

    Hal down temporarily
    Hal will be down until future notice. The additional memory did exactly two things: Jack and Shit. Look for a new and improved Hal next month. Until then, enjoy playing on H0rk, our normally priva+e server. H0rk supports more clients, and is much much faster than Hal. -Fru!+

    Wednesday, January 7, 1998 | Server Upgrades

    Hal/H0rk upgrades
    Hal received a much needed 128MB today, bringing him up to 256MB. Hopefully this will allow us to increase maxclients safely. I have upped it to 20 and will keep an eye on Hal's cpu load. H0rk received a 166MHz pentium and more ram. Both machines had very little free ram and were swapping under intense gameplay. -Fru!+

    Sunday, January 4, 1998 | [I'm 12]'s 1st official scrim!

    [I'm 12] vs. PaW
    [I'm 12] had our first official scrim yesterday vs. PaW. We were just as ready as we were for 2[AA] :-) This scrim was plagued by connection problems - some of PaW's members couldn't connect to H0rk, our match server, and Hal9000 pukes something nasty with > 16 players. Final verdict: even with all our LPB's and PaW's connection problems, our cut down roster outclassed theirs. "Messy but effective" was how Miasma described us. Well, we know what to work on now. PaW, if you can solve your connection problems to H0rk, we'd be interested in a full-strength re-match. It will be Epic. Thanks for being gracious guests. -Fru!+

    Friday, January 2, 1998 | Happy New Years!

    [I'm 12] vs. 2[AA]
    [I'm 12] had our first scrim yesterday vs. 2[AA], despite us being far from ready. They dropped by on Hork for a spontaneous game, and we managed to field five members and one random person. Needless to say, we got our asses handed to us. No, we won't tell you the final score (ask a 2[AA] member if they even bothered to snap a screenshot). Thanks, 2[AA], for being gracious guests, and not laughing hysterically at our pathetic performance. Towards the end, I was getting flashbacks from Clan Remorse's game vs. OSKI, I tell ya whut. -Mofo

    Monday, December 29, 1997 | Snowboarding Haitus

    HaL/Hork possibly going down temporarily
    Myself and Galois will be going on a massive snowboarding trip from Jan 5 through the 19th. In the absence of a server admin, Hal/Hork may be down for this period. I just hope my back (which I blew out on Saturday at Mountain High) will have healed by then. Sigh. -Mofo

    Sunday, December 14, 1997 | Try out for [I'm 12]!

    [I'm 12] Officially Recruiting
    Now that our T1 problems have been fixed, [I'm 12] is officially recruiting. You will also notice that Hal is running 2fort[45] again. It is merely a cheap marketing tactic to assure that our server gets used, so we can pummel unsuspecting players with shamelessly pro-[I'm 12] propaganda. -Mofo

    Monday, December 8, 1997 | T1 hopefully fixed!

    New, Improved T1
    Hal and Hork have been lagged beyond belief of late. After much finger pointing between UUNet and PacBell, UUNet decided to move us to a different T1 interface. Hopefully this fixes the latency problems. -Curtis

    Clan in Black Bean Sauce (was [FluFY]) has changed names once again to [I'm 12]. Hork/Hal are now officially [I'm 12] servers. We're recruiting (invite only) so we'll be keeping an eye out for players who are a) 12 and b) good. Don't call us, we'll call you. -Mofo

    Sunday, November 30, 1997 | FortressFest!

    2fort5 released
    2fort5 was released today. I've added it to vote, and REMOVED 2fort4 entirely. NOTE: The 2fort5 that was released on the TeamFortress page is not vised! I have made a level-4 vised version, which you can snag from here. I've had a good look at 2fort5 by now, and I have some major problems with it... but on the whole it is a bit of an improvement, unless you like being a scout, in which case yer screwed. But thats just my opinion. I could be wrong. -Mofo

    Fortress Fest starts TODAY!
    Fortress Fest has started... HaL is currently a "veteran" server, but may change depending on demand.
    Instead of the veteran rotation, however, HaL runs vote1 again, probably permanently. Since our T1 bill was humungous, I think the low usage is a good thing =). When we get flat rate T1, I promise I will add another server. Possibly even 2fort4 only. But don't hold your breath. -Curtis

    Thursday, November 20, 1997 | Sigh

    Democracy works, NOT
    Vote1 removed. Nobody wants it. I give up. Hal is running 2fort4 again. E-mail me and tell me how much you want vote1 back. -Curtis

    Clan Remorse['81] has dissolved
    It is a sad day. Nobody likes Vote1, plus Clan Remorse is no more. Philodox, BruceLeeroy, and Mofo have started a new team: tentatively Clan in Black Bean Sauce. Teatew joined DH, Omicron is in RAGE, not sure where everybody else is headed. '81 is gone, but not forgotten. It may once again rise from the ashes.... so watch your back. -Mofo

    Monday, November 17, 1997 | VOTE!

    Democracy works, sometimes?
    Ok, little ones! No more of this "console, change to well6 pls!!! NO! change to 2tech!" yadda, yadda, yadda. HaL now runs Jim's (Sgt. Thundercok) vote1 24/7. Basically, its a mini-level with 10 exits. The exits are guarded by doors with health. Everybody shoots at a door 'till it opens, then exits the level into the selected map. A menu pops up when you are in the top floor, and each door has a label you can see by touching it, so you know which door is which. Enjoy! Oh yah, a note to serveradmins: Don't forget to set "samelevel 0"! -Curtis

    Tuesday, November 11, 1997 | Update to 2.65d, added maps dload site

    Kotunf1.5 now playing here!
    In addition to updating to 2.65d, I've added a bunch of maps to Hal's repertoire, including Miasma['81]'s brand spankin' new King of the UNF. The problem is, everybody leaves when 2fort4 isn't playing! C'mon guys, broaden your horizons! To make things even easier for you narrow-minded pukes, I've added a dload dir here of all the maps HaL has. -Curtis

    Monday, November 10, 1997 | Removed sort by rank

    Rank = Kills - deaths == pointless
    After looking at the rankme script, it looks like the Rank statistic is completely meaningless. So I have removed it. It is merely a measure of how much you play (basically). The Skill statistic seems a bit more information-rich. So use that. -Curtis

    Wednesday, November 5, 1997 | Update to TF2.65c

    Yet another TF bugfix
    When I next restart the server it will be running 2.65c. The main change (other than random bugfixes) is that the soldier can now only carry two nail grenades. I'm of two minds about this, but I think its probably a change for the better, especially since I see more and more pre-primin' mastas out there. Soldier + four preprimed nail grens is basically unstoppable. Plus, it should cut down substantially on soldiers raiding the ammo rooms for rocks constantly. -Curtis

    BTW I'm experimenting with a new house rule: NO FLAG CAPS until there are at least four on four teams. It really is no fun playing catch the scout with only two people on your team. I'm not enforcing it or anything, but if somebody calls out "NO CAPS" please at least consider just duelling. -MofoM

    Monday, November 3, 1997 | Recent Lag Problems

    Our Internet connection has been plagued with latency problems for certain connections. A call to Uunet revealed that one of Alternet's main ATM backbone routers was misconfigured. Hopefully the problem has been resolved by now. FYI the server is now running QW 2.1 + TF 2.65b, along with the enhanced 2fort4 map with the buffed out entities (courtesy Omicron['81]). -Curtis

    QuakeWorld 2.1 BUGS
    It seems the new GLQW makes the popular GL sniper-dot fix completely unusable. It may be due to the new anti-cheat code, or possibly the sprite bug introduced into 2.1. So far, nobody I've talked to seems to know what the deal is. If you do, please drop me a line.

    In other news, SB went and joined 2AA, plus changed his name to Critical Edge. What with all of 2AA's matches, MofoM is now unchallenged when it comes to newbie killing, as we've not seen SB/CE around much recently. Come back to us CE, we miss you.

    GL Quake Tip
    GLQWCL 2.1 has hacked around the slow sky texture problem (best seen in Hunted) with a new gl_ command. Try gl_subdivide_size 256 (or larger). You'll like it. I promise. -MofoM

    Friday, October 17, 1997 | ABOUT RANKINGS

    ARGH!!!!
    Seems the rankings can get skewed quite a bit by just playing alot against newbies (Mofo Mujimbo would agree with this). So don't trust the rankings. At all. Oh, except S.B. is still real good. -Curtis